Sometimes life can get crazy, and everything happens at once. That was the case for me during the last few months of 2011. There were so many things going on that I took a break from blogging. There were a couple of weddings and the holidays. Meanwhile, I continued to battle bleeds, chronic pain and depression.
2011: The Ye
ar of Weddings
My mother passed away in early 2005. My parents had been married for 54 years and had been together for about 57 years when she passed away. My father has battled many health issues over the past 15+ years, including several types of cancer, congestive heart failure, kidney failure and diabetes. When my mother passed away after an 11-month battle with lung cancer, my father was still very ill. I moved home to Virginia to help him. Over the past five years, his health has improved tremendously, and he slowly got past the loss of my mother.
In 2009, he met a wonderful lady named Anne, and they hit it off. My Dad bought her an engagement ring and asked her to marry him on Christmas in 2010. Did I mention my father is now 80, and my stepmother, Anne, is 76? I bonded with Anne quickly, and she is so wonderful for my father. She makes him so happy. I was thrilled when they told me they were getting married! They got married on August 20, 2011—nine days before my father’s 80th birthday. They had nearly 250 guests. It was a wonderful weekend.
Also, my partner, Jarrod, and I were married on November 22, 2011. We live in New York state. In the spring of 2011, we started hearing rumblings of a marriage equality bill in New York that would allow same-sex couples to get married. We decided that if the bill passed, we would marry. On June 24, the New York State Senate passed the Marriage Equality Act. One month later, it became law.
We had an intimate ceremony at the home of Jarrod’s father and grandmother with just a few friends and family present. We had great food and a delicious cake. It was one of the most spectacular and special events in my life! You have to understand, this marriage was 14 years in the making. I can’t begin to express how grateful we were to have the legal right to get married. I’ll talk more about relationships in an upcoming post. I’m still getting used to being called “Ryan Seeley,” versus “Ryan Rotenberry.” I guess that’s normal after having my last name of Rotenberry for 42 years!
Battling Depression
Depression has been a lifelong battle for me. The past two years have been especially difficult, dealing with all of my health issues and having to stop working. Although I have awesome things going on in my life, depression has a way of overshadowing everything and taking over. It’s like a thick, dark, ugly, wet blanket that falls out of thin air and plops on top of you. It takes your breath away and suffocates any emotion—not just good emotions, but all emotions. You then fight to breathe, to fight your way out, to find the light again. It’s hard to focus on anything. You either don’t sleep at all or want to sleep all the time. It literally takes over your life. It’s hard to explain depression to someone who doesn’t have it.
I’ve been on anti-depressant medication off and on for half of my life. It works for a while, and then becomes ineffective. My doctor switched the dosage on the medicine I’d been taking. That helped for a bit, but then the blanket dropped on top of me. He then switched me to a new medication, and I’m happy to say it’s working beautifully! I also use some alternative therapies to battle my depression and to help with pain management. I’ll talk more about my experience with these therapies in an upcoming post.
Finding the Light
For all the darkness I’ve encountered, there have certainly been so many awesome things that helped pull me out from the dark blanket of depression. This year has been spectacular so far: I’m now married to my best friend, soul mate and love of my life; my father is well and happy; and I’m working on so many awesome projects to help the hemophilia community.
Thanks for reading. It’s good to be back! In my next post, I’ll be writing about my experience of attending the National Hemophilia Foundation Annual Meeting in Chicago in November of 2011.